


The Gang's in the Same Boat

by ChloShow (orphan_account)



Category: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Genre: Gen, Screenplay/Script Format
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-17
Updated: 2017-02-17
Packaged: 2018-09-25 01:41:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 426
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9796775
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/ChloShow
Summary: Based on the preview for 12x10.Mac pretends to be a couple with Dennis.





	

** 6PM -- On a Friday -- Philadelphia, Pennsylvania **

_(MAC and DENNIS sit next to each other across from a woman, CHARLOTTE, whom DENNIS was simply trying to have a civilized dinner with.)_

_(FRANK has just left the table, waiting for CHARLOTTE to join in him the bathroom for a blowjob she has no intention on taking him up on.)_

**MAC**

So, back to my thing. Dennis and I are a happy homosexual couple, and we want to adopt your baby.

**DENNIS**

No, we do not want to adopt—what am I saying?

**MAC**

This is all part of the plan.

**DENNIS**

What plan? I did not _agree_ to any plan!

**MAC**

Dennis, come on, you _obviously_ want to ditch this chick. And after you do, we’ll raise the kid by ourselves. I mean, it’s 2017. Women don’t even want their kids anymore.

**CHARLOTTE**

I love my child very much.

**MAC**

Oh? And where’s your kid right now? Home alone, smoking cigarettes and watching Scarface, forced to fend for himself against two no-good criminals out to ruin the spirit of Christmas?

_(CHARLOTTE is more than confused by this last statement.)_

**DENNIS**

Now you’re just describing the plot of Home Alone.

**MAC**

That movie was very realistic in some aspects, Dennis.

**DENNIS**

I can’t argue with you anymore. I can’t stand your unbearably hopeless stupidity. It would be one thing if you had one redeeming quality that made up for it but no. Nothing! Not one thing makes you an appealing person, Mac. That’s why I’m moving to North Dakota to live with Charlotte and to raise our child.

**MAC**

You obviously haven't weighed all the facts here. You love the Gang and Paddy's and movie nights and monthly dinners and—

**DENNIS**

Mac, we haven’t had a monthly dinner in 3 years. And you wanna know why we stopped? I couldn’t stand to be alone with you long enough to have a meal. I don’t love you. No one loves you!

_(This draws a scene. MAC is visibly stunned.)_

**MAC**

You’re right. I’m sorry for wasting your time.

_(MAC leaves the restaurant and DENNIS with the full impact of his words. CHARLOTTE has pulled out a document.)_

**CHARLOTTE**

I’m here because I want full custody of our child. I don’t want you to visit us. I don’t even want child support. I just want to move on and pretend whatever happened between us never happened.

_(DENNIS has had the life sucked out of him. He reviews the papers to verify that what she said was true.)_

_("Honey Bunch" plays.)_

END


End file.
